Friday, March 26, 2010

My daughter & my incontinence....

It is 12:30 in the morning. My house is eerily quiet. I am listening to the end of a thunderstorm. I promised a new blog and now is the perfect time.

So, I settle myself in with a nice adult beverage and my laptop. Ahhh, the things I want to write about.

Then, out of nowhere, something really funny happened. A friend is currently battling a cold and was talking about sneezing and coughing fits. I added my thoughts on incontinence. She tells me it only happens to her when she drinks. Great. I pee when I think, how am I ever going to get through this.?.!

Here goes...

My question on the facebook page tonight was about getting through the day to day with a special needs child. I, for one, am ex-aus-ted at the end of the day. Exhausted because I have three other children that demand so much time and energy. Exhausted because I am explaining to Nicole, for the thousandth time this week, why she can not swing on the neighbors swing even though every kid in the neighborhood is taking turns on said swing.

It is taunting her. It is speaking to her. Begging her to awkwardly jump on it. Then it happens. As I am making home made ravioli (which I am quite proud of, by the way)I look out the window and she is soaring about 15 feet in the air on a rope swing. Literally. A rope swing. Giant rope. Big knot at the end to make a place for a tiny bum. R-O-P-E swing. No wooden seat, nothing to hold on to. Just a rope. Great for the other kids. Not so great for my easily distractable, very clumsy, accident prone five year old.

I finish stamping what looks to me like a dumpling/ravioli/yuk chunk so I can move two feet to the front door and yell the 30 feet across the street to my surely-going-to-fall-any-moment daughter --------------

Uh-Oh.. Here it comes..."Nuuuh-Koaaaal!!!!"

Too much exertion. I have created a piddle of incontinence. Oh boy. I don't know about your neighborhood, but I live in a neighborhood of community bar-b-que's, get togethers and daily "everyone choose one yard for ALLLLLL the kids to play in, so that alllll the parents will be staring at that yard" kinda neighborhood. And today, that yard was in the same gawking direction as mine. I had on a summer dress. And I piddled.

"Who saw it?"

"Surely no one would be able to tell from any distance"

"Did my face give it away? They are moms, they *know*"

"Aww shit! There goes my bread and cereal connection.... The woman just saw me pee"

"Stop being crazy.. She did not.."

All of this happens in my brain in a matter of two miliseconds.. And I scamper back inside and pray that Nicole heard me from her new-found flight.

She does.

"What mommy?"

"You made me pee.. Why were you in the air. On the swing. I told you no!"

"Uh... Because... I wanted to...."

"You made me pee. In front of everyone...."

"No mommy, HayLee made you pee."

Gee.. I guess she actually does listen to me complain about my post-three-babies issues...

How do you argue with that?

(For those that may be a little lost, click each of the links for 10 second back stories to each of the confusing tid-bits. :) )

This post is dedicated to every mommy that has ever tinkled herself at the most inopportune moment and picked up her schmidt and went about her yelling. I love you moms!!

And to Vanessa because she pees on herself too!! :)


  1. haha how perfect that a commercial for bladder control just came on as I was reading this?!

  2. HAHAHA! You totally called me out. Freakin' hilarious! I think I'm going to kegel MORE than I already do. LMAO

  3. Glad to know I'm not the only one. Not that I would wish it on others, though.