Sunday, March 7, 2010

First Post. First time writing a blog.

I have a five year old daughter named Nicole. She is not biologically mine, but I raise her 24/7-365. I don't care what you have to say, she is my daughter. We have been on quite a journey trying to get a diagnosis for her problems. Not so much to have a name for what is wrong, but so we know what to do to help her. Everything has been a dead end. I recently came to the conclusion that I don't care what it is called. It wont make any difference. She is who she is and her father and I know more about her than any doctor could tell us. Sure, it might be nice to know why she does certain things, whether it is hereditary or something she developed from vaccinations, a seizure she had as a baby or any other number of things she went through before she was even born. But in the end, it does not matter.

I find I need a release from time to time on how hard it can be to raise a child with special needs. Some days I feel I could pull my hair out strand by strand. Other days she will finally tie the sash on her robe after nearly a solid year teaching her and I cry from a million emotions all at once. Frustration that it took so long, elation that she is finally doing it and a deep sadness at all the things she may never do because it will be easier to just give up.

My hope from this blog is that it will be a place for me to talk - to anyone that wants to listen - about my happiness, my sadness and my love for this special little girl. Some posts will be of epic triumph and happiness and others will be of sheer anger and frustration. With the good will come the bad and I have no plans of sugar coating my postings. After all, what would be the point of writing a blog full of half-truths?

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